:: s i a n i l e e ::

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. time out .
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. jewelry . sculpture . sewing .

:: Friday, July 04, 2003 ::

it's been almost a month... i know. a lot has been going on... getting over the throes of rejection, the skepticism around the intentions of humanity... particularly men, and the attachment surrounding a best friend's fascination with a new love interest. during this time...

* i've begun studying wing tsun kung fu... and it has probably been one of the best things i've ever done for myself... i feel mentally and physically stronger.

* i'm starting sessions with a therapist to address a lot of built up issues surrounding the usual questions and confusions of life... mostly trust building issues.

* i've begun dating... in the loose sense of the word, as most new yorkers seem to be into this. it's been challenging to even get close to any of these men... because my attack has left a significant imprint on my psyche.... but at least i'm trying.

* school is winding down for the first half of the summer... and my three classes are finishing up... thank goodness, i can't believe i've squeezed in three classes in 7 weeks.

* i've been doing things on my own... establishing my independent self... no longer with best friend in tow... it was hard at first... but i'm becoming more comfortable... knowing that i'm taking care of myself.

some new projects i've got going on...

* redesigning my web site
* working on my fotolog
* working on my portfolio

:: siani 12:23 AM * ::
:: Thursday, June 05, 2003 ::
yes, it's been a while... and needless to say, men are on my shit list these days...

* the boy has not called... and in retrospect perhaps he's a puss and won't admit it... perhaps i just scared him... i don't want to scare boys... really i don't... but perhaps this aggressive (or more proactive) approach doesn't work with the male species... so he hasn't called. not even to say hello... but that's just the start....

* i was robbed and assaulted at knifepoint last thursday night on my way home from school. i've spent much of my time with detectives and officers... and if not with them, then reclusive and stuck in my head... angry about men who a) when they can't handle me... just forget about me or b) when they can't get anything, then just take it from me. don't worry, i'm okay physically...

i've got to go to therapy... if i wasn't cold enough... you'd better see me now.

:: siani 2:35 AM * ::
:: Monday, May 26, 2003 ::
* feeling the rush of new creativity as classes begin again...

* a bit of loneliness has set in... perhaps with the end of the warm fuzzies, no? not all things are meant to be... this i understand. i don't feel too bad since the reason the boy and i are not going to venture down the unknown path is his fear of anything leaving him vulnerable and bleeding... oh come on! doesn't that sound like fun?

* and following this loneliness... i've really begun to feel like it's just ME in this city... all of the urban stimuli still continues, but i've made little effort to reach out and grab onto something... my focus has been on school... and i haven't been out in ages. is that a bad sign?
:: siani 3:07 AM * ::
:: Wednesday, May 21, 2003 ::

it's been some time now since i've last blogged... when i look at the date... and recall what was happening at the time... i feel like SO much has happened.

my first semester at pratt has ended... and the past six months have been without a doubt the most exciting - moving to nyc, working with other creatives, following my dreams, living in the city, meeting a new boy.... oh, so many stories to tell.

to say the least i have learned alot... and have reminded myself of a few things too.

* anyone has the power to do anything they put their mind to. anything. if you think you're scared... don't be. just do it. you can deal with the fear later. once you're in it, you'll find out that it wasn't that bad after all.

* everything is relative. nothing is as bad as it seems when you find things that are worse.

* junk food is a conspiracy. being broke i've realized that the only foods available to me in the city are the quintessential cheese slices, dumplings, bagels, and other things that are super cheap but really not good for you in the long run. and when i really want to eat healthy... it's actually quite expensive.

* stay on the path. it's tough when you become distracted from that which you must stay focused on. meeting the boy was absolutely a wonderful reminder of what the warm fuzzies are really about... but we've both had to be really disciplined in keeping with our dreams... because our love of sensation actually blinded us for a moment.

oh, i'm sure there are so many more... but right now i've got a hunger head ache!
:: siani 8:20 PM * ::
:: Friday, April 18, 2003 ::

* nature teases me with warm sunny days... then cold, COLD days the next... is it me, or is nature really a woman?

* two more weeks and i'll be showing my first exhibit... it's so exciting... a move to the big apple... my first sure-footed steps towards my dream... collaborating with extreme creatives... and it's been such a successful beginning.

* the brooklyn botanical garden

* long distance complexities with a boy from duke
:: siani 12:35 AM * ::
:: Thursday, March 20, 2003 ::

* spring break ('what break?!') has passed... yielding much fun (and no sleep) and lots of work (but well worth it)...

* meeting a certain someone when i least expected it!

* giving a presentation and receiving 'congratulations!' instead of 'maybe you should'...

* finding out i've got an 'A' in a graduate drawing class!!! yipee!

* having passionate discussions about the responsibilities of designers... reminding people to think beyond just the object.

* working diligently on a website for photos of my work... it'll be up soon, i promise!

* feeling really good... seeing my path opening before my eyes!

* laughing at my sister as she complains about not having money for gas... and thinking that 'it's just the beginning, little sis!'
:: siani 11:22 PM * ::
:: Saturday, March 08, 2003 ::
* feeling so good to be creative

* the unfortunate glance of bare genitals exposed by a sleeping homeless man on the train...

* the secretive glances of a certain secret admirer...

* my favorite morning walk through chinatown

* spring break!!!!

:: siani 2:45 AM * ::

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